Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Pinnacle

Everything I did in my life
Was just to reach here today, in front of you
To see my reflection in your eyes
To inhale the scent of you
To be in your embrace
I ate, slept, breathed thus far.

A stranger to me you never were
Though a mystery always
My tears knew you well
As my smiles did too
You are as real as my imagination
And as untrue as the fantasies I had created

I toiled through monotony
Cried rivers unknown
Existed through life
Just to see your eyes vanish
When those rosy cheeks try to touch
That forehead of yours.

The journey was my Everest
You my pinnacle.

22 comments:

R. Ramesh said...

i am stumped for words...simply wonderful boss...priya..keep up the great work dear friend..and thanks 4 yr visits..

अविनाश said...

My tears knew you well
As my smiles did too


words speaks for themselves...what to say....

speechless on this poem....
too good
Regards

Kishore Choudhary said...

sweet

richa said...

lovely! touched me deeply...well done

yamini said...

beautiful words... I am proud of you.
Keep it up dear and god bless you...

Rohit Gore said...

Hi Priynka

I know you will hear this many times but let me say that again. That was absolutely lovely!
Loved this verse in the second stanza:
"You are as real as my imagination
And as untrue as the fantasies I had created"

The first verse is also very evocative. However, just have a long hard look at the middle verse:
"My tears knew you well
As my smiles did too"
The first and third verse talks about the subject of this ballad 'you' but the middle one talks about the subject's effect. That breaks the rhythm a little.

Your third stanza is perfect. Consistent and cadent.

Also, I would love to see this ballad end on a more affecting note...The 'Everest' comparison although lovely does not leave me with desired poignancy

But as I keep repeating, the poet is the master f all she surveys here! It is your choice to express those feelings the way you want to :-)

Miss Cynical said...

lovely poem priii...
loved every line of it! :)

>:D< :-*

fatoori said...

kiski baat ho rai hai ye? ;)

[Ragini]. said...

A stranger to me you never were
Though a mystery always
My tears knew you well
As my smiles did too
You are as real as my imagination
And as untrue as the fantasies I had created

The depth has left me flabbergasted. Nice work.
Regards

Priyanka Khot said...

Thanks a ton for the shower of praises: Ramesh, Avinash, Kishore, Richa, Yamini

Rohit,

It is very generous of you to spend so much time and telling me where I was off the mark. I will definitely do a re-write of this one, keeping in mind the pointers given by you.

As far as the breaking of the rhythm goes… the idea was to have stanza 1 and 3 talk of the subject, which in this case is ‘me’, and 2 and 4 talk of the subject of “my affection.”

But then explaining a piece of creativity breaks half the spell of the magic. So will work hard on the re-write…

Anu, Thanks babes.... hope you've picked up ur award.

Charu,

Leaving it for you to guess and dig it up. ;-)

Thanks Ragini. :-)

R. Ramesh said...

priya..thankkkkksssss for your affectionate invite..to Delhi..will update in april..quite some time boss..take care..keep smiling..

Rinkly Rimes said...

New to your blog I enjoyed your verses. 'Toiled through monotony'..... that phrase made me feel quite exhausted!

~PakKaramu~ said...

Visiting your blog

nituscorner said...

hi priyanka.....been out of scene for some time....this was a treat after i got back. i love the second stanza..." A stranger to me you never were...." it was very soul touching.

R. Ramesh said...

hey priya dont say u wil always distrust bespectacled people...not fair..ok, when i meet u sometime somehow somewhere..i will put on goggles..hahahah

R. Ramesh said...

priya priya come back on this blog plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

R. Ramesh said...

priyaaaaa...am limping back...pl come over to globalmadarasi.blogspot.com
catch up..and best wishes

Patty said...

Very lovely poem, Thanks for sharing.

Anand said...

Niceee..
Glad my post was able to make atleast one single day in ur life start with a smile. :-)
Ill be reading ur posts too.

ACP said...

well written and touching

ACP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jean said...

"...Everything I did in my life
Was just to reach here today, in front of you
To see my reflection in your eyes
To inhale the scent of you
To be in your embrace
I ate, slept, breathed thus far.
The journey was my Everest..."

Cette poésie pourrait s'adresser à l'Amant comme à Dieu ...
This poem could to be for God or for Lover ...