Friday, November 17, 2006

Bond Bollywood Ishtyle

With my last blog I had many friends shedding a tear with me. They say making anybody sad is an easy task, making someone laugh is tremendously difficult. But what’s a challenge if it’s not conquered or at least an attempt is made to conquer it. So ladies and gentlemen as I have often said and will be saying it again and again over the days, months and years--- I am filmy to the core.

Hindi films and icons are very dear to my heart. So any global phenomena I choose to see from Bollywood colored glasses. With the release of Casino Royale releasing world-wide today I thought who all from our own Mumbai film industry could vie for the role and how would they portray it without loosing their essentially trademarked qualities that have come to be associated with them over the period of their careers.***

Seniority wise I should be starting with Mr. Amitabh Bachchan. But my affinity and almost bhakti bhav towards SRK forces me to break the seniority rule this once.

The Bond played by SRK will have to change his Christian name from James to ever popular Rahul or Raj with the due blessings of Yash Chopra and happy and gay consent of Karan Johar. Hamming away to glory Rahul Bond will have no problems in dishing out quality one-liners and double meaning jokes with suave innocence. The only clause that this Badshah of Bollywood will highlight (in bold) in the contract with MGM and Columbia Pictures will be- “no kissing the Bond girl because I love my wife too much.”

Amitabh Bachchan
Men and wine better with age. Bachchan, Amitabh Bachchan has the voice and the personality to match and even as many would agree the persona larger than any lalu panjoo Daneil Craig. Romancing twenty year old sexy bomb-shells is no trouble for this charismatic legend, a mandatory requirement for an eligible Bond. Health of Mr. Bachchan or Babuji as me and my friends like to call him is not too well. On this account a special weapon shall be created by hiring Siddharth Basu to tackle the lack of physical stamina. The villains will have to answer questions which will have four options to choose from. Now isn’t that the great marriage of TV and films. The only question that the producers of Bond have to ask is “bol Bachchan Bond banega?”

Salman Khan
Bond or no Bond, license or no license, this dude with the firang accent without doubt knows how to kill. With his killer looks the Bond beauties will surely be mesmerized. With so many court cases against Salman Bhai, a permission to shoot (pun intended) will have to be attained. And a sidekick of Bond will have to be introduced because Salman for sure will not be able to drive the Ashton Martin the world is talking about.

Hrithik Roshan
With Greek God looks, the muscles that have women of all age swooning over him with every flex, the looks, and the charm to carry off Bond with panache. Not too bad an actor, Hrithik's safety clause will want papa Rakesh Roshan directing the action flick starring Jadoo in a special role to create Jadoo…oopsie daisies I mean magic at the box office.

John Abraham
He has the looks and the locks. Won’t mind bearing all, yes girls all, but only if the script demands. Most importantly Bond girls will for sure not mind getting a piece of what Bipasha has. The only problem is that when John mouths a dialogue I can bet everything I own that a tree trunk could do a better job. Making a silent sci-fi movie where the Bond of future is shown. An era when humans are extinct and robots rule the planet well that’s a script that suits this yum to look at non-actor.

Abhishek Bachchan
He is the perfect nomination from the industry. He has good looks as a vardaan, abundant talent and the vote of all the ladies I know. But alas the Baby of AB is busy maaroing Aish with the Bollywood films he has lined up for the next couple of years. He has no time for Bond babes… and Bond films as well.

***This is an attempt to laugh at myself and my extreme devotion to Indian film stars. Nothing said in this article should be taken too seriously or as my real feelings towards the honored stars. I sincerely believe that the role of Bond is not interesting enough or masaledar enough for the Bollywood stars to waste their time on.


h said...

the name is bond...james bond...

how cud u bloG bout me... it was a sad spoof ov ma eternal/matured/priceless/super sexy/sexy/sexy/sexy image..>!!!ur bollywood stars (more ov meteoroids) r gud enuf runnin around d trees rather thn tryin to ...lure (read seduce) bond(MY) babes...
btw..wotya doin tonite...;)

******the text in this comment is not written by any person alive or dead and any similarity with a mortal is purely coincidental..

ps: the actions in this scene is performed by highly talented professionals and shud not b attempted at home.

certificate :U(underaged)/A(all ladies)


pls koi mera ilaaj karo..:((


nevertheless it was a very well written always... :) keep goin plee...gud luck..

btw u missed aamir khan... d reEl OO7 i prefer watchin...!!

Surdy said...

While commenting on the post i would also like to comment on the opening lines.
Sure its easy to make someone sad , but its really much more difficult to bring tears to someones eyes than to make someone laugh.
Anyways cutting the serious stuff short here I would say ...
Surely this post looks like one frm a pakka bollywood bhakt :P . LOLs at the KJ n no kiss in SRK part. Abt Big B ..sure hard to find someone to match this personality, he wud be my fav for the role had the Bond been a bit older. ...n damn how jealous i was to see this man romancing young bomb-shell on screen...felt like killing him

Sallu, Hritik n John aren't even fit enuf for a comment frm me.

The Baby B is sure cute n talented , but definitely not a bond material. pakka no no.

I too was surprised not to see Amir on the list ..hope we can have something abt him here.

Having talked about the probable bonds I strongly feel that no Bollywood actress can even remotely be thought as bond babes. Thats a severe lack of talent..i feel.

IR said...

very very well written, very creative :)

Anonymous said...

hey nice u kno u r more like a movie writer/director scripting ur thoughts in a well mannered way and changin d scenes pretty neately..
any plans ov writin a sci fiction blog???
waiting for ur next writeup...


Shukshu said...

WHAT A BLOG!!!a good blend of humour, creativity and sarcasm(in a funny way) definitely results in2 making off a GR8 blog, which brings a smile on ur face when u read it!!I DEFINITELY HAD ONE WHEN I WAS READIN URS!!If eva d producers of bond movie think of signin in one of apna heroes they can definitely look in2 ur blog 4 a clear pic of d hot favs for the role as well the implications of selectin them
U hv rightly said that its very difficult to make someone laugh, but i dont think u need 2 worry bout that fact as i strongly feel many would agree with me ...U have surpassed that challenge as well...BEAUTIFULLY!!

viresh said...

oh oh oh....GEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

this one is goood...(yep compared to the old blog of yours ,which were kinda MONOtonous,which needs just MONOsyllablic answer like yea or naaah hehehehhe)

yep , this one is goood