Collateral Beauty

A wish to speak to Badshah Khan

Granted with the Twitterverse coming together like never before.

A desire to ruffle the handsome, young doctor’s hair

Fulfilled; with laughter all around.

A request for a better view,

Position of the bed changed.

Surrounded by her children,

Hopefully, painlessly, she breathed her last.

Friends, family mourned her passing,

Stories in their hearts, tears in their eyes, smiles on their lips.

In her final years,

She taught everyone she interacted with

How to live—love, laugh and learn.

Her last act of mothering,

Maa put a magnifying glass

On the collateral beauty around us.

Over the last two decades, Maa and I had started to believe that everything happens for a reason; everything happens for the best and everything happens only when we are ready for it. Maa passed away on 24 October 2017. Days after Diwali, saving the festival for all those who loved her—her last act of kindness towards her friends and family. 

I think I was ready to begin the process of healing, when one day I saw the thumbnail of the movie Collateral Beauty starring Will Smith on Amazon Prime Video. I proceeded to watch the movie. The movie made sense to me on many levels. My first reaction of course was that I should call Maa and tell her about it. I did the next best thing. I told Vivek about it and he watched and liked the movie as well. And I hope that Akshat will see this movie too, whenever he is ready. 

The online reviews for the movie are not that flattering. But for me, it came just at the right time with just the right message. I am celebrating more than I did normally. I am celebrating events, people and each day as they come. Almost as if I need to celebrate on her behalf as well. Over the last two months, I have drawn and painted more than I ever did before. I keep myself as busy as I can.

The fact that I read blogs of friends after years today and the fact that I am writing again today, gives me hope that the process of healing has begun.

I hope that I will be strong enough to do a yearly review this year as well, knowing very well that Maa would not be the first to like it and share it on her Facebook and Twitter timelines. 

My mother, my daughter

The transition, not as smooth as I would have liked

One day she was answering my questions,

Looking after me like I was still a child,

And fighting with the world one person at a time

Defending my every whim, my mother

The very next, on a hospital bed

She was looking at me for answers

Fighting for every breath,

And completely dependent on me,

Consulting me on matters of life and death, my daughter

The switch, sudden as lightning

Made me want to shout at the One controlling the world

Yet I’ve never been more at a loss for words

And completely caught up with all that had to be done

Surrounded by faces suddenly I was all alone

A year, long and arduous as it was

Survivors, brave and strong

We made it through the turbulent waters

And we smile, our broken yet wide, proud smiles

There are tears as well, of triumph over cancer

Back to the routine, boring and mundane

She again is the mother with the final word

I’m once again the daughter with whims and wishes

And we fight, talk, laugh, share

All the while being grateful for each day we have